We have known each other six months. We met online through a website for booklovers, no less. He currently lives and works in Bermuda, his wife resides in the UK. They have three children, two of the older ones are at boarding school there, the youngest (seven) is in the UK with her mother.

Long story short: he said his marriage was floundering…that his wife had told him she loved him, but was not in love with him. She (apparently) told him that he should find someone else. He is a very successful man (lawyer)…he and I began emailing in January…this soon progressed to phone calls, text messages, and invariably, phone sex (yes, I know, I know)…about halfway thru all of this, they tell the children they are legally separating and remove their wedding rings. He says “We do not want to stay together for the sake of the children”…they take a skiing holiday with the children before this announcement. He is devastatated at first, at the children’s reaction (he keeps me informed of all that is happening).

Soon after this, the revelation that his wife is reading a book about “I love you but I’m not in love with you”…and I begin to feel the metaphorical nail in the coffin of my “relationship” with him. He says he is in love with me (he said it first actually)…he says he wants to have a better understanding of his head and heart, etc…

We agree, after six months of emotional intensity, to meet…this past week, he flies from Bermuda, to see me, on the east coast of the US. We spend two hours kissing passionately, he tells me he has always dreamt of being kissed in this way. He says he wants to “woo” me…he brought recipes with him of things we could cook. He has booked a room at a local bed and breakfast and spends the first night there, but the next day, we go shopping for ingredients for our dinner which he cooks for me later that evening. He buys me flowers.

Later in the day, we have our “siesta” and I give him oral sex (something he claimed his wife had NEVER done in their entire marriage as she did not find it “palatable”)…he says that I have given him the most intense orgasm of his life. He spends the night, we do not have sex (I was having my period and having just “met” him in a physical sense, did not feel comfortable doing this)…

The next morning, he does the dishes, brings me breakfast in bed, and returns to the B&B to shower and have breakfast. I join him there later (its very close to where I live)…he then proceeds to tell me that he just does not have the “spark” for me in his heart that he thought he would, that he just is, in his words, “Not feeling it in the way that I hoped I would”…and so, in less than 48 hours, I have been wooed, given him the most intense orgasm of his life and now, he is saying that there is “no spark”…his flight was scheduled to leave the next day at 5pm; he maintains an emotional stoicism saying he is sorry and then, later, breaks down sobbing admitting that he still is in love with his wife and can not divide his heart.

He says he does not “love me enough” and that “I don’t love you to the exclusion of others” and yet, he contradicts himself by saying, “If it were just you and I we could work thru these complications”…he said at one point, “I could see the virtue of having a mistress as it would be the best sex of my life but I can not do that with you and I won’t do that with you”…he says in the next breath, “I need more time” and then “We should have never met”…I told him I would change my number when he suggested that we still keep in touch. in three months time to see if he can put his marriage back together.

So, my question is: what do I believe? Did he ever care about me? Was he, in fact, in love with me but perhaps scared of his feelings for me and so said that he wasn’t feeling the connection in his heart? Do I believe that? Or, was he just using me all along (its a hell of a lot of trouble to go to just for some oral sex isn’t it, I keep thinking?)…

He has devastated me. I keep thinking its because I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, good enough even tho I know it is ridiculous to think so. I have contact numbers for him in Bermuda and the UK but have not contacted him nor do I plan to do so. He brought me housewarming gifts (I recently moved) and now I feel as tho I need to send them back as I want no reminders of him. He was so harsh and emotionally cold and unresponsive to me on Friday when all of this occurred. He said he felt “uncomfortable” because he couldn’t say “I love you” to me…what am I to believe about all of this?!

My head is absolutely spinning with questions and the level of rejection I am feeling is so very intense it is all I can do to function.

Any thoughts and or advice would be most appreciated, thank you.