No matter how diligent your child care may be, mom always knows best, and gives advice. Believe me, she does this not to humiliate you, but because she is trying to help. Try to hear her.
1 «We also need to adapt»
Just as you find yourself in a new world after childbirth, your parents also need to get used to the idea that they are grandparents now. The most important thing they should get used to is the fact that they no longer have to be responsible for everything. Until now you were an unreasonable girl for them, but now you are suddenly a mother and decide what is better for your child. Parents feel difficult to understand this, and often refer to you as an older sister to your child. The best way to build relationships - to discuss your education together. Do this even before a baby is born. This program should have place for grandparents, but let them understand that this is your program.
2 «Trust us»
If you leave children with grandparents, trust their experience. In this case, you also should sit down and discuss a common course of behavior, and then give your parents relative freedom. Try not to make recommendations in a rigid hortative tone. For example, instead of «If he wakes up, do so» say: «When a child wakes up, I usually do it like this …» You will have to come to terms with the idea once and for all: your mother or mother-in-law will not do everything exactly as you said . They will do something on their own. If you want your instructions to be strictly implemented, hire a nurse and pay her for work. If you still use grandmothers, you will have to accept that they have their own ideas about how to care for a child. Ultimately, it is important that you agreed to the basics and principles of education, but on ignore annoying little things.
3 «Keep calm»
When a woman first becomes a mother, she often struggles with self-doubt. Is she raising a child the right way? Is she a good mother? That is why a young mother is very vulnerable, if she hears criticism, she instantly goes up and breaks down. Try to stay calm! If you are criticized (for well-meaning, of course), take a deep breath. And say politely that you really value mother’s or mother’s-in-law assistance, but now will try to cope with difficulties on your own.
4 «Please ask us for help»
Some grandmothers do not offer their assistance, because they do not want to be intrusive. They are not sure if you want them to interfere in upbringing of grandchildren. You accept this behavior as cold, and as a result, relations become strained. Of course, you do not need to rely on your parents in everything, but do not refuse from aid. Even so, their experience is much richer than you. And, moreover, parents will be very grateful to you, if you appreciate their wisdom.
5 «Do not focus on details»
Educating you, your parents passed the whole way of a child’s growing up - from cradle to the institute. They, unlike young mothers, are aware that basic points - values of life and guidance are very important in life. And there are things that are not worth to pay attention to. For example, you should do everything to ensure that your child grow responsible, or receive a good education. But when he wants to pierce a navel or shave cropped, you should not struggle either with your parents, or your kid.
6 «There are no ideal grandmothers»
An ideal grandmother should be infinitely tolerant, generous, tactful, wise … But your parents are same human beings as you are. This means they can not be always patient, kind and selfless. In addition, many older people have a rich life, and they can not devote grandchildren as much time, as you would wish. Do not force parents to abandon their own lives for grandchildren, and do not forget that they also need a vacation.
7 «Sometimes we are also jealous»
Even adult and wise persons can fight for their grandson’s position, like teenagers. Imagine such situation: mother-in-law gives granddaughter expensive gifts, but your mom and dad are not so rich and feel flawed. Or your mom found a common language with a grandson, and mother is still not obtained, and a boy clearly prefers one grandmother to another. If possible, smooth rivalry between grandparents. At every opportunity stress that all relatives are equally dear and loved by you.
8 «You are a good mother»
No matter what you do, mother and mother-in-law always correct you, and provide valuable guidance. You think they consider you a bad mother. You are irritable - they are offended. This is a vicious circle which is difficult to escape from. But still try to do it. Rather than guessing what your parents think about your qualities, directly ask them about it: «Mum, how do you think, do I normally deal with children?» Most likely, she will answer: «Of course!» - And will be very surprised that you asked her about it. She certainly did not suspect that she deprived you of self-confidence with her tutelage. But if she still will give you some comments? Try to evaluate them objectively. Perhaps you will find something that is possible to take note of.
PS Do not forget that when children look at how you communicate with your parents, they are learning to build relationships within family.